4. Hatpins, Tea Cosies and Lavender Sachets
Grandma was the religious one in the family, and the house often hummed with her hymns, so you might think that I was fed a lot of religion. Strangely enough, I was not. Grandma was six decades older than I was, four decades older than Mum. She was allowed to be interested in whatever subject she wanted, or to be as religious as she liked. In fact, for most of my childhood, I assumed – without really thinking about it – that most grandmothers were interested in religious things, just as they were in hatpins, tea cosies and lavender sachets. Nevertheless, Grandma was never overbearing about what she believed. She didn’t actually talk about it much, nor was she judgmental of those who thought differently. See Yorkminster
As far as I recall, everyone in my immediate family had stopped attending church by the time I came along though my mother taught a junior Sunday School class for a while after she registered me in the primary department, but I don't recall that she attended the church service itself. The memory of that first church is vague. It was an uneventful time and I wasn't there long before we moved. Until I was around 11 years old, I was sent up the street every week to Sunday school, so that I could learn the Bible stories and the themes meant to be helpful in our journey through life, and I suppose, to be exposed to other children whose families were attempting to raise them in a similar way.
Since my family did not attend church, I did not develop the sort of casual belonging I imagined the children whose parents were a regular part of the congregation experienced. This didn’t bother me because my closest friends happened to be in the same situation of attending Sunday school without our families’ presence. But it did give me pause, for though I felt as if I knew quite a lot about the spiritual nature of life, I did not really feel that I belonged in the church. I knew it had to do with my family’s lack of attendance, and I was slightly disappointed to realize that even here, the one place where all people ought to feel completely welcomed, those in charge (other than Rev. Roy Essex) did not go out of their way to keep our membership.
Children overhear a lot! While at church, I had run into a number of people who were quite condescending in their attitude towards those who did not attend church, and I thought that this was the antithesis of what a "religous" person should be like. Those who did not attend church didn't seem to waste much time expressing malice or general negativity towards church-goers. But church-goers sometimes did entertain such negative feelings for they seemed more likely to get caught up in discussions of morality, and then to fall prey to the demon, "Judgment". But I came to realize that this very attitude was judgmental. I was expecting these people to be morally perfect according to my standards! (No matter who we are, no one can ever measure up to our own standards if we're looking for evidence that they don't.) (And, looking at a different slice of the picture, I imagined that mistaken judgment mattered or was anything more than error.) The Purpose of a Church? A church, temple or synagogue is (or should be) a place where all people are welcome, for the act of attending indicates a wish to maintain or develop an understanding of God, or be with others who wish to share a similar set of beliefs or be protected within the membership of a church, or simply to set aside a time and place to think about the spiritual aspects of life. Attendance at a church does not mean that understanding has been grasped or attained however; and it does not mean that all those who enter its space have already learned how to express their most godly feelings or even all their most human ones. What it does mean is that every kind of person is there, from those who know God (each in his/her own unique way) and who understand the symbolic reverence in the rites they repeat, to those who go just because it's something they're 'supposed' to do on Sunday or Saturday or at sunset and sunrise, and are merely going through the motions for the most part, thinking about things other than God or what God means. It might be helpful and advantageous to attend a church, but it is not a requirement for rediscovering (what is easiest described as) God.
The Mistake of Holding Congregants to a Higher Standard
To be fair though, at the time I held churchgoers to a higher standard than the one I used for non-congregants, thinking, “Just because you want to get together with other people who believe the same thing, doesn’t mean that you’re capable of passing judgment. There’s nothing pious about that.”
(To those who are not comfortable even with the term or name, “God”, then by all means, substitute whatever word you like, such as (alphabetically) All-Encompassing Love, Allah, Buddha, Infinite Wisdom, Non-judgmental Acceptance, Peace, and Universal Mind are some. If it will help in letting us ponder the possibility of an intelligence beyond our own limited perspective and imagination-resources, then we should use whatever terms best describe what we feel the core of all religions are trying to relay.)
posted by Winter Child @ 7:15 a.m.
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